Poem #4: To Apricot

Although I atually wrote this poem after my loss, I decided to place it in the "trying to conceive" portion of the chapbook because the frustrations I express here are the same ones I felt during that time. It was (and still is) difficult for me to watch so many others experience the joys of pregnancy and motherhood. And even more difficult when some of those people didn't really want it to happen or neglected the children they were blessed with. Thinking about this, reminded me of the apricot tree my family had. It would bloom every year, but never bore any fruit. I felt like I could identify with this tree and decided to write about it. This is the first mention of trees in the chapbook, but it won't be the last.

Poem #3: Emptiness in a Full Waiting Room

While trying to conceive, one of the "infertility rites" I went through every month was a blood test on day 21 of my cycle. I would usually do this on my way to work and most of the time I was the only patient there. But one day, the waiting room was full of pregnant women, all taking their test for gestational diabetes. They were chatting and comparing pregnancy notes and I felt completely out of place. I started writing this poem as soon as I left there that day.

**If you are wondering what this is all about, read my post on November 29th.**

Poem #2: Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome

The second poem in the chapbook is a short acrostic spelling out the letters P-C-O-S which is the acronym for Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Several years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS. It's kind of hard to explain exactly what this is because even the doctors seem baffled sometimes. What this means to me in terms of trying to conceive is explained in the poem. If you would like to know more about PCOS, visit the following website: http://www.soulcysters.com/.

**If you are wondering what this is all about, please read my previous post on November 29th**

Poem #1: (In)Fertility Rites

This is the first poem from my chapbook and also the title poem. The idea for this poem came to me when I thought about all the things people (including doctors and your mother) tell you to do when trying to conceive and how they are kind of like modern-day fertility rites. So I jumbled them together in this poem and threw in an ancient fertility rite at the end to make the connection. It's a good start, but I would really like to develop this one some more.
**If you are wondering what this is all about, please read my previous post on November 29th.**

My Story: Infertility Rites*

This past summer I submitted a poetry chapbook to a contest sponsored by Accents Publishing, an independent press in Lexington, KY (http://www.accents-publishing.com/news.html). The subject of my chapbook, entitled Fertility Rites*, was my personal experience with the frustration of trying to conceive, the euphoria of finally becoming pregnant, and the devastation of losing my baby girl at 21 weeks. Most of the poems were written during the 5 months following the loss and working on this project was very therapeutic for me. I knew I was taking a big risk in submitting something with such personal and emotional content, but I really felt like I needed to share my story. When the results of the contest were announced at the end of August, Fertility Rites* was not among the chapbooks selected for publication. At first, I was really disappointed, but I knew deep down that my submission needed improvement. Some of the poems were written in a hurry in order to meet the contest deadline and I think it showed. However, the chapbook also included some of my best work which made me determined to revise and seek publication elsewhere.

While considering publishing options, I realized I already had an option available to me--my blog. And so I have decided to publish my chapbook here on Versions of Chai--one poem at a time. The poems will be posted in their unrevised versions, but I will also include commentary on each poem. I welcome feedback and suggestions on how the poems can be improved. Look for the first poem next week.

*I have decided to change the title to Infertility Rites as I think this better explains what the chapbook is about.

Later

A small word, yet
composed of an infinite
number of minutes and
spoken so frequently
in daily conversation

What a host of tasks,
projects, and even dreams
are deferred to this
nebulous spot on the calendar

It's exact date
has never been fixed
It hovers somewhere
just beyond reach
bursting with a mixture
of promise and tedium

If everything goes as
planned, later will be
the busiest time of my life